Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
