My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
