Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
