Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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