remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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