my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
