yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
