He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
