so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
