Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My breasts were aching with rage.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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