Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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