What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
