Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
