I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
