He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
