omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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