I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
