Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
