Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
