accomplished twins. life is a go
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
