We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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