Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i out mim tonsoeep
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
