i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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