started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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