is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the day after is always just damage control
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
