i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
