hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Help. Why am I so naked?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
