the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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