Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
