Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
