my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
