boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
