if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
barbara walters just said penis...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
