I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
