I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
