One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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