You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
