You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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