my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
