you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
