Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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