we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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