A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This baby is an asshole
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
