We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There's always time for handjobs
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
