i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
