We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
