So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
