Is it because I queefed?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
