Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
