I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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